Best Not To Know
by dakabn
Summary: Tied to "A Little Irisa" but from an OC's perspective and also an OC/Irisa friendship or more. (hence the rating)
1. Chapter 1

Ella sat in Defiance drinking whatever concoction they could make into coffee at the NeedWant. She was one of "those." The ones that the few stronger people stayed for. She liked to think that she could survive in the Badlands, but she simply saw that it was no better risk than simply staying. She had overheard Berlin and Amanda talk about staying to help protect the ones too weak to make it. Ella had just wrinkled her nose at the thought. It made them sound like a burden, but she tried to put the guilt aside by thinking that Amanda and Berlin were simply looking for a cause. That they were just looking for someone to protect. They just wanted to keep Defiance around.

Which was hard considering that the mining town no longer had a mine. It seemed like a ghost town at times. Ella couldn't decide if that made her feel safer or more in danger. It did mean less business. She sold some handmade recycled items to some vendors. The few people she saw on a regular basis. There was one of them left and they were overflowing with stock as it was. Not to mention, that there was less than ideal conditions to go to the scrapyard with her one friend: A Sensoth named Bob. Well, it's what she called him. One of the people she sold to was stolen from before he sold items Ella made, therefore unable to pay Ella. He gave her Bob. It took a long time and about a week of paying for him to stay at the NeedWant, but trust was soon established and she put together a large bed that took up half of her little house. But she felt safer with a big teddy bear bodyguard.

The only thing that bothered her was that now with the lower population, she wasn't able to blend in as much. She avoided the Hollows and when she felt an inkling of tension, she got into her little home that she made sure was near the lawkeeper's office. She heard and saw little passings of something that she really didn't want to ask for more details about. She just knew they were hardened people and she was glad to have them around protecting her.

She was one of the few in the dimly lit NeedWant at the moment. It was mid-day, so they let in the natural light and the tree be the main lighting, conserving energy. So she overheard Amanda tell the staff there. She looked over and Amanda didn't seem particularly frenzied, so she sighed deeply and convinced herself that there was no need to run unless other, less anxious for nothing people ran. She looked over to Bob being seduced by a few of the staff and smirked. Poor thing barely understood what they were doing. She cleared her throat finally and when an Irathiant boy came over, she spoke softly, "Please leave Bob alone. He's in my employ and I wish him to stay near." Mostly, she was worried that Bob would be dragged into something he knew nothing about. He was a younger Sensoth as Doc Yewll told her, and more innocent than most. As in he was not battle hardened. He did have the natural instinct to protect.

That is what Ella wanted. Someone who wouldn't cause trouble or be cold about harming. Just someone to protect her. And she made sure to care for him like a brother. When they finally left them alone she smiled at Bob, "Hungry?" He grunted with a nod and she ordered him some food and just continued drinking her coffee when she saw Irisa walk in. There was one of a few ways to see Irisa enter. She was either pissed, looking for someone, or pissed with a gun looking for someone. That last one usually had Ella skittering out the door. She was just pissed today. Ella watched her, and the girl just plopped down and sulked. Ella took a deep breath and relaxed. The staff also knew very well to leave Irisa alone.

After a few minutes, Ella heard a sniff. From Irisa. She blinked and looked over. She never knew Irisa even cried. The girl was so cold, even to her own adopted father. She got a shot of bravery and walked over with her coffee and winked at Bob as a signal to jump in if Irisa was going to take anything out on her. "A... Are you alright?"

"No." Irisa grumped but didn't say more and Ella just stood there. Finally she sat down. Irisa didn't seem to object, nor did she speak. It was awkward but eventually, it eased. Irisa seemed to know Ella was there and was seeming to be more than tolerant of it. Ella finally just sipped at her coffee silently, finding a similar quiet comfort sitting there with Irisa as she did with Bob.

Finally Ella thought of something to say, "Welcome back," She spoke softly, too shy to look up.

Irisa had stopped sniffing and blinked, "Thank you. You're not scared of me?"

Ella chuckled, "I was worried about you."

"Well, don't be."

Ella gave a soft smile, "If only it were that easy." Blushing feeling that she sounded a bit more familiar than she intended, she added, "Fear and worry are who I am. I'll leave you alone if you want, though. Do you want me to leave you alone?"

Irisa furrowed her brow and lifted one at the same time, noticing the woman's timidness. She seemed vaguely familiar. Like a wall of the NeedWant, but that was it. "Why are you still here?"

The question felt rude, but from overhearing Irisa with others, it was just her way. Ella shrugged, "No more safer out there, is it?"

Irisa was quiet a moment and looked down, "Good point. Do you fight?" Irisa looked at her and her posture, clothes, and not at all toned body told her the answer, "Just be sure to have a safe place to hide."

Ella nodded, "I've avoided many dangers that've come through here."

"Even me."

Ella tilted her head, "You seem to only go after those who deserve it. I've done nothing to deserve your wrath."

Irisa looked at her shocked, "You do hide well if you don't know the story of what I've done."

"Oh, I've heard the stories, but they seem nothing more than legends now."

"Please tell me you didn't read the book."

Ella chuckled, "Yep, but books are just books. I won't believe anything until I hear it from the person themself." Ella then wrinkled her nose, "But I have a feeling I don't wanna know."

"You don't."

Ella smiled. "Seems we'll get along just fine then."

Irisa made a snorting sound and they sat there in comfortable silence.

This is how it was for a few days. One day, the Tarrs brought in the baby and Ella noticed Irisa's eyes follow the baby like a hawk. "What's wrong?" Ella and Irisa never really talked and Ella didn't realize she'd asked until she said it, "Sorry. Never mind."

"I don't trust them with someone so innocent."

"Isn't it their grandchild?"

Irisa didn't answer and Ella tilted her head. She didn't know what was going on, but she reached out without thinking and put a hand on Irisa's, "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

For some reason, to Ella's surprise, Irisa didn't stab her hand. Still, she didn't want to push, but still make Irisa understand that she had a shoulder to lean on. Without questions.

"I think it's best I not know."


	2. Chapter 2

Nolan tried his damnedest to take the timid little thing seriously. Ella trembled and stuttered but she made it clear she wanted to fight for Defiance. Nolan looked over at the window to the lawkeeper office and saw Irisa.

"I can't tell you how much I appreciate your heart, but... You need more toughening than I think we have time for." He smiled as an idea came to mind, "Tell you what. Have Irisa teach you how to sneak around. We might be able to get you to lay mines."

He doubted her nerves could handle even that, but it would help her feel useful to be trained. Even if his daughter saw through the ruse of trying to occupy two willing but weak people.

The look on the girl's face told him she wasn't so gullible either. Ella gave him a tight smile and noddled. "Might come in handy in some way." Nolan rubbed his head as he heard her dainty steps down to the office.

Irisa was back at the desk sharpening her blades hoping that'd bring her back to fighting without flashbacks. Ella touched the table but didn't touch one. "Nolan wants you to teach me how to sneak."

"Not much to teach. You're already know unnoticed until you announce yourself."

Ella sighed and looked around. She looked at a pile of papers and then began making piles. Irisa didn't seem to notice. Until, as Irisa mentioned before, she spoke up, "I noticed all but a few of these cases are closed. I... Just wanted to let you know they'll be under the last name of the accused."

Irisa looked up as if she were telling her some nonsense about what she had for dinner two days ago, "Okay..."

Ella cleared her throat and began working at that. When she was done she braved sitting next to Irisa at a desk, "There's talk of your break down."

Irisa rolled her eyes and hopped down. "You said I didn't have to talk about things."

Ella looked down, "You don't. I just want you to know I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of."

"Of course you wouldn't. You'd shtako your pants at the first gun shots." Rolling her eyes again, Irisa added softer, "I'm sure Amanda and Doc might need some help filing while..."

Ella cut her off as tears rolled down her cheek, "While they get ready to fight? I heard Nolan's speech. I'm not one of the weak ones!"

"Well if you're not, what does that make me?" Irisa glared at her.

Ella glared back. Irisa still had a temper but even before she realized she was gun shy, she trusted her not to hurt someone who'd never hurt her.

"That makes you someone who was so strong you hit a breaking point. You'll come back when the time is right." Nolan walked over to pour a drink for himself, "Did I make a mistake pairing you two?"

"Nolan, she's scared of her own shadow!"

Ella sighed, "I'm sorry for wasting your time. Thanks for the tip, Irisa. Going to see Amanda. Doc already has an assistant."


	3. Chapter 3

Ella walked into Amanda's office and without even saying anything or looking around, started to pick things up. She heard someone clear their throat behind her and she turned to see Amanda looking amused and a bit put off.

"Sorry, Amanda. I just... wanted to do... something."

Amanda nodded, "I understand. I'm hoping this leg heals up before we have to fight, but the way it's looking, I may have to do my best on a bum leg."

Ella nodded and frowned as she continued to straighten up then stumbled back seeing a mix of red and pink blood. Amanda had stepped over, "You don't see much blood do you?" Ella felt a hand on her shoulder and it was leading her to the lobby. "Get Doc Yewl to come in here to clean that stuff. Knowing Stahma, she might have poison in her very blood." Ella just blinked at Amanda as she did as she was told.

After the errand, she was back in the lawkeeper's office and bit her lip looking down, but then looked straight up and walked straight to Irisa, "Yewl said she wants to see you and Nolan tonight after the training."

Irisa looked up and looked at Ella curiously, "Why are you all stiff?"

Ella growled softly, which on her sounded more like a kitten purring, "I'm trying to not be so weak." She was surprised to see a smirk on Irisa's face.

"You might best serve in getting people in a safe place to hide until the fighting is over." Irisa's smile faded, "I might join you there."

Ella nodded, "I'll help you protect the baby."

Irisa glared up, "What?"

Ella shook her head quickly, "Nothing. Um, after you see Doc, wanna join me for dinner?"

Irisa stood stiffly, but not looking at Ella and said noncommittedly, "I'll sit with you if you're there when I decide to come by."


	4. Chapter 4

Once they had all left, Ella came out from her hiding. The terroists had blocked the door, so she couldn't make it home. She had hid. When they left, she was crying heavy sobs when she heard footsteps.

Looking up, she saw Irisa. Irisa had been on her way to join the militia when she heard the crying. Surely others heard it, but there was so much crying today. Irisa knew Ella's voice, though. Seeing Ella, she simply knelt down and looked at her.

"I'm sorry! I hid!"

"There was nothing you could have done." Irisa's voice was soft. "You don't have a weapon and you can't do hand to hand combat. You would have died either way."

"But I'm a coward!"

Irisa couldn't disagree. But for some it was less of a sin, "Not fighting when you can is far less honorable than fighting stupidly."

"But... I was hidden. I could have DONE something!"

"Body armor!"

"But..." Ella had a mouth open, but couldn't think of what else to say.

Irisa took the hysterical girl's shoulders and shook, "Stop it! There are cowards and then there are traiters. Traiters are cowards that didn't do anything when they could. Being a coward isn't shameful when you would die or cause someone else to die by even trying."

Ella blinked and looked at Irisa, "Is... Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

Irisa sighed, "I don't have time for this. Look. You're alive. No one died because of you. Get braver and stronger in your time and you might just make it." She stood to walk out. She then turned toward Ella after a few steps, "It also takes courage to hide. To keep wanting to live. You want to stay alive so you'll be brave someday, or am I wrong?"

After Irisa had walked out, Ella thought a moment. That made sense. Survivor's guilt was still a thing.

And it hit again when she heard of the tunnel bombing. Nolan had rejected her just days before. She had grown no more stronger in any capacity nor more skilled in fighting or shooting. She sat on the couch in Amanda's office looking around at the order she had created.

She struggled to convince herself that, for now, that was good enough.

Then a moment came. They had a plan, and they wanted help. When Amanda came in looking for some paper, Ella handed her a piece of hand-pulped paper. "There's no suitable blank manufactured paper. I got all the expired documents and some old rags and bleached and... Well, here. It's big, but I was thinking that could be a file folder until I can figure out how to make it more stable without as much thickness and material."

Amanda had smiled and nodded to the small press, "Get the office header ready." Amanda then sat and sat to write out something. After the cover was printed, Ella smiled at it proudly. Amanda gave her a sad smile as she took it, "Good work. But... it might not survive it's mission."

Ella, confused, watched Amanda walk out and took a sigh as she smiled out the window, feeling useful for once. About fifteen minutes later, she heard an explosion that sent her yelping and going under the conference table. It was the faint, yet excited cheering from the few people left in town that had her looking out the window.

Ella bit her lip and hurried toward the clinic to see if Yewl needed emergency help, but all she saw there were Irisa and Alak. Irisa didn't look up. Ella felt a vibe that she needed to leave, but the need to know what the frak just happened was stronger, "What's going on?"

Irisa looked over, "Datak infiltrated the VC's camp with a bomb in his arm."

Ella's eyes grew wide and she stuttered, "Alak... I'm so sorry."

With that, she walked out and seeing Nolan enter the Need Want looking rather sad compared to the others celebrating. Ella was going to join him, mostly because it felt safest to do so, him being the lawkeeper and all, but he looked quite pensive, so she sat near the door. Then, realized, on second thought, to sit near her hiding place. Dawn crept in and even Ella, though exhausted, stayed where everyone was. She stayed where the lawkeeper was. However, she hadn't realized she had dozed as someone sat beside her and touched her hand. She jumped nearly out of her seat and heard the soft voice of the mayor, "You're not drinking, so my guess is you're scared."

Ella blinked at Amanda sleepily and rubbed her eyes, looking down ashamed. Amanda just chuckled, "We have rooms upstairs."

"No money." She muttered out.

"I figured. They say you hadn't ordered much all night."

"I have food at home, but..."

Amanda just patted her on the shoulder, "I'll get you some breakfast on the house, and then you can head upstairs for a free sleep. And actually, if you want, you can move here."

Ella blinked, "I'm not a..."

Amanda cut her off, "In exchange for working in my office. And when scrip makes sense to have again, I'll pay you some. I have a feeling it'll take a while for this place to feel like a town rather than a battleground again."

Ella smiled and hugged Amanda. "Thank you."

Amanda looked around, "Where's Bob? I hadn't seen him since we came back from surrounding the building. Thank you by the way."

Ella had sent Bob to help fight. She could at least do that. "He's out looking around to be sure there are no survivors of the VC."

"Well, they should be back soon. I'll feed him and send him up to his own room..."

Ella stopped her, "Can he have a bed in my room?"

Amanda nodded, "Sure." She was about to crack a joke, but first off, she doubted Ella was that perverted, and second, just the thought of the joke reminded her of her experience with psycho lover.

Later that afternoon, Ella left Bob snoozing as she went to pack up. She overheard Yewl behind her scolding someone. She looked out the door and saw it was Irisa heading into the lawkeeper's office.

She set down something and walked in to see Yewl throw her hands up, mutter something in some Votan language and walk out. She saw Irisa shuffling around a drawer and Nolan watching in something of amusement and confusion. They watched as Irisa started taking down posters. Ella stepped over and reached up to do one, "I'll do this, Irisa. Go rest."

Nolan chuckled as Irisa seemed to completely ignore Ella, "Don't worry about it. My bet is she grew restless and needs something to do."

Ella nodded and went to finish packing. Over the next few days, things still felt like they were in an aftermath, but normalcy seemed to return.


End file.
